Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You dont lie about slip and slides
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They have beer where we have blood.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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