Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
