I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think i have two assholes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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