I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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