I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
