I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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