That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
