the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
