FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This baby is an asshole
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
