Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
