Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
