dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we made out on top of his cat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
