Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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