so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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