i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
