Barsexuality is the new black.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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