i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
