tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
