If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
