I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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