I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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