I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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