My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
