I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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