If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
