she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
