Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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