Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
