Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
