so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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