I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
