Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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