Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
