Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
