Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
