bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
