Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
