Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
