Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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