it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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