life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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