I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
