You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
