dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
