Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
