I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
