Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
