if i can run in heels then i can drive
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
