I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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