so that wasnt chicken after all
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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