proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
