ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
