i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
PANTIES FOUND
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